it is so 2:05 on a friday afternoon...

it is so 2:05 on a friday afternoon.  i had a late night last night, alarm came too early this morning.  i'm ready to home, cuddle up with my dog, and hit the couch hard.

but, late night was worth it - i had a date :).  it went well.  in fact, dare i add a 'really' in there and say it went really well??  yes, i think i will.  it went really well.  stay tuned.

this last week has been somewhat random.  this asshole i went out with one time before the holidays called me out of the blue.  i got back from my run tuesday night to discover his missed call.  wtf?  my first instinct was the ignore the queef, but i was just dying to hear what the hell he could possibly have to say to me.  so, i called him back.  we shot the shit for a few minutes, and then he asked me about denver.  'was i still planning to move', he asked me.  i told him i wasn't, and he was curious because he is interviewing for a role that may move him to denver.  i mean, what would it matter if i were moving to denver?  at any rate, i did appreciate the clearing of the air, but that was just about it.  and so i was totally surprised last night when he texted me while i was enjoying a beer with my adorable chubby-cheeked date.  did he want to chit chat again?  geez.

i was on a con call yesterday with a group of people and as much as i was trying to pay attention to the content, the leader's nail biting minnesota accent was stealing my attention.  in fact, so thick i couldn't understand what she was saying a couple times.

as i'm listening to my ipod and a couple songs from twilight come on, i have decided that i'm going to order the twilight series on dvd so i can watch them whenever i want to.  and i'm not sorry about it.  in the least.  by the way - the new boy bears a striking resemblance to taylor lautner. 

it always gets so much colder in the office in the afternoon when the ac kicks into hihg gear or something.  it's as if there is a 2 o'clock cold front we're all doomed to suffer through.  it is so cold up here sometimes that my cube neighbor oftentimes has to put on her heavy coat that she actually keeps traipsed on the back of her chair.

i'm getting a little nervous about my marathon next month.  excited nervous, but still nervous.  this will be my first conquered 26.2 - i have been so damn ready to put that sticker on the back of my car.  i know a lot of people thing they're tacky or whatever, but i don't give a shit - i'm putting that damn thing on my red fit.

just thought of the yummy lips of the new boy.  hope i get to taste them again soon :)

'wild', a woman's journey of self discovery

i just finished 'wild' by cheryl strayed last night.  recently when i was looking for books to read, i googled what had been on oprah's book club over the years, and this caught my eye.  i ordered it on amazon, and it was delivered to my front door shortly after.  i got it used, and i got it in hardback.  there is something about a used book that i adore - maybe the love it's gotten?  maybe the smell?  and I love hardbacks - not sure why on that one.

i'm just gonna go on a short tangent here for a bit.  i love buying books on amazon.  i love buying used books on amazon.  people, they sometimes have books for a penny - a penny!!  yes, you have to pay for shipping.  but, if you buy used books from the same vendor, then more often than not i've noticed you only have to pay for shipping once.  so, if you work the system, you can get several books for such a low bargain price that even puts half price books to shame.  find the loop hole, and jump through that thing.

okay, at any rate.  i digress...

this book is the author's true story.  after some of life's detours and unanticipated loss, she got lost and needed to find herself again.  when she was younger, she and her brother and sister grew up with their abusive biological father, witnessing the beating of their mother.  her mother finally left their father for good, remarried, never seeing the biological father again.  she fell in love and got married young when she was just nineteen.  she and her husband traveled all over the place, finding jobs waiting tables and staying in places a few months at a time.  cheryl and her mother had a special relationship, and grew closer while attending college together after her mom went back to school while cheryl was attending.  their last semester, cheryl's mother was suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer and died less than two months later.

following her mother's sudden death, she just kind of spiralled out of control.  she starting pulling away from her husband, paul.  cheryl and her brother and sister tried to keep the relationship with their stepfather, but he remarried a woman with children and he slipped away as well.  she and paul eventually separated, and she kind of drifted around and found herself staying with a new boyfriend and getting into heroin.  she woke up one day, realized this life wasn't her, and she just had to get away and out.

she found herself in a bookstore one day and was drawn toward this book about the pacific crest trail.  the pct is a trail that goes all the way from the mojave desert in california near the border of mexico, all the way up the pacific coast to canada.  she felt compelled to go, and this book documents her travels and self discovery along her trek.  dude, that's a loooooong way to go...

when cheryl began her journey, she was clearly unprepared and underestimated how challenging it would be.  yes, she went to rei and spent lots of time making sure she had the right gear and knew how to use it.  her stepfather had taught her how to start a fire when she was younger, as well as some other 'boy scout' things.  but when she started, she was very out of shape, especially having recently been doing heroin on a daily basis.  suffice it so say, she was physically ill prepared.  her first few days were rough - blisters, in pain, didn't conquer the mileage she had planned to, and the realization she was indeed out of shape for something like this.  she contemplated turning back, but she trudged on.

as the days grew buy, she grew stronger - both in body and mind.  she gained confidence, and any fear she had started with subsided.  she started gaining more mileage each day.  she noticed new muscles forming.  she got comfortable in her daily routine.  she encountered lots of wildlife (a fox, a bear, and several rattlesnakes) - she was scared upon her first encounter, and became more confident with the confrontations to follow.

although she was alone on the trail, she began to meet people that were on the same journey.  she would hike alongside one of these new friends maybe for a day, they would separate, she'd meet others, go off on their own again, and then they would catch up with each other sometimes a month later while camped.  reading about the relationships she formed was really neat.  it was like this little family - although for the most part they traveled separately, they were all in this together.  cheryl was the only woman these hikers encountered who was on this hike alone, and these hikers really admired her for it.  some thought she was crazy, but the admiration and heroism she felt made her confidence grow - that was really cool.  i admired her too!!  that takes some balls for a woman to hike alone in the wilderness, sometimes needing to hitchhike, and sometimes encountering strange men she didn't know.

she confronted a lot of feelings she had about her childhood and growing up poor.  while that used to make her mad and felt like she missed out in some luxuries in life, she realized that living on so little helped her along this journey.  she only allowed herself $20 between each stop, and she lived on that budget for a few months.  yes, she was able to send herself packages to these rest stops along the way (that was cool - didn't know you could do that) where she would get food and other supplies, but she would stretch out that $20 to include some lodging, showers, meals, etc.  she had to get creative with that money, and her growing up watching her mom stretch a dollar contributed to her success of stretching so little money.

she sorted through a lot of anger she had toward her mother's death, especially on her mother's birthday that passed while cheryl was on the trail.  many sights and smells she trekked past reminded her of her mother, and she felt like her mother was right there with her.  getting through the day of her mother's birthday was hard and she didn't want to cry.  so instead, she made a list in her mind of things her mother did that made her mad - a list of 'failures' of her mother.  but then cheryl thought of all the good things her mother provided to herself and brother and sister, and was thankful for what an amazing mother she had - she was thankful for a mother that showered her in love, support, and protection.  i got the feeling from the story that the motivation for this journey was in large part to move on from her mother's death.

she also dealt with her separation and divorce from paul, and the feelings surrounding that loss.  she confronted feelings with her recent boyfriend joe, and saying goodbye to him, drugs, and that lifestyle.  she looked forward to a fresh start in portland after her trek.  below is a picture of the bridge of the gods in oregon where she ended her trip.

i admire cheryl for going through this trek.  doing something like this used to be a dream of mine, but the realist in me interferes.  i have a dog, a good thing going here in austin, and i'm not about to leave my job to do something like this for a few months.  maybe a a few years ago when i was in the restaurant business, had some money saved, and i would quit one of those jobs i loathed to escape and do some self discovery for a few months on a trip like this alone. 

but, it's not just the excuse of my job, my life, and the realities of the 'real world' now that prevent me from doing something like this.  i don't feel like i need this in the way that cheryl did.  it took me years to find myself, to love myself, and to discover who i am - but i have.  i love my life and where i am, and wouldn't want to leave it.  i would love to do a trek similar to this for a shorter period of time for the experience and scenery, but i don't need escape for a few months.  while reading this book, i had feelings of, 'man, i wish i had done something like that years ago' - but, i didn't do it.  however, i still ended up in the spot where i wanted to be - happy, in love with my life and myself, surrounded my friends and family that love and support me, and feeling complete just being me.