A few weeks ago my sister encouraged me to get online and
try match.com, so I now find myself perusing men online. I have gone on a couple dates. The first went really well and I really liked
the guy, and haven’t heard from him really again. I am shocked, to be honest. We seemed to really hit it off, talked on the
phone for hours, he made several references to us hanging out again, flirty, etc. –
dude, throw me a bone here!! But, I won’t
get into that shit. I went out with this
other dude Sunday – we flirted a bit via the match.com messaging system and
text, talked a little although some of it seemed forced, but the chemistry wasn’t there in person for me. Just wasn’t feeling it. So now, I have another one lined up for
Thursday – I have some good feelings surrounding Greg, so we’ll see. But, I had a good feeling with the first one
and he disappeared.
I have made several observations and subsequent opinions thus far of
dating online, and they are as follows:
11)
Cheeseball come-ons aren’t cute, at least for
me. I have gotten a few, including but
not limited to, ‘hey sweet thing’ and ‘you are gorgeous and amazing’ and a
couple ‘hey baby’s. Just today, a guy
asked me if I had ever modeled. While that
is flattering, it’s far from the truth – I’m cute, sure, but i am short as hell and no Cindy
Crawford (or whoever the hell else is famous these days). I had one guy tell me I was ‘too beautiful
for his craziness’, but I’m glad he changed his mind – Greg doesn’t appear to
be crazy, seemed to be being sarcastic, and I’m meeting him Thursday J
22)
The topless selfies of you in the mirror flexing
your muscles aren’t cute – you look like a queef.
33)
If you aren’t into me, don’t message me back and
tell me you aren’t interested. Ignore me,
and I’ll get the point – no need to hammer the nail in the coffin. Rejection is much easier to take and give
online. That being said, if we have gone
out, I know you’re interested and I’m not, and you ask me out again, I will
then tell you I’m just not feeling it – and vice versa.
44)
Charm does go a long way. I had this one fella (40, much too old for my
taste) send me a hilarious message asking me to marry him. I got a laugh, messaged back and told him I was
flattered – he knew he was too old for me, but ‘could I blame him for trying’
he asked. Although he was kidding, he
was still coming on too strong –but that email was still quite hilarious.
55)
Number 4 leads me to this one - don’t come on
too strong. I have had guys message me,
suffice it to say the first message, telling me how they want very much to get
to know me better, my dreams and hopes (yes, I was told that), and take me out
to a nice dinner and movie. That’s too
much, guy. I haven’t even met you. let's chat online first, maybe exchange numbers, and then if that goes well go out for a beer or two. It’s hard to even consider the first meeting
a ‘date’ in the first place – it’s a meeting of two people.
That’s it. If we’re both feeling
it, there will be some flirting and arms around the waist, holding hands,
possibly a kiss, but dude – slow your roll.
Also, grabbing a beer is enough for a first 'date'. Dinner and a movie would take a few hours,
and take it from me – it sucks to be stuck with someone you’re not into for a
few hours on a too-lengthy date. At least
if you meet for a beer or coffee or something, you have a quick getaway after
one drink if you aren’t feeling it.
66)
If you are closer to my parents’ age than me, do
not ‘wink’ at me, do not message me, do not ‘like’ my pictures, and do not IM me. You are
disgusting. Why would I date someone who
is five years younger than my parents? Also,
I’ve noticed that some of these men (some of them around 55) are looking for
women 25 to 40 or so. Dude, are you
kidding me?!? You are 55 for crying out
loud! Date someone your own age, or at
the very least don’t rule them out. There
are some older pervies out there.
77)
The perviness of number 6 leads me to this one –
yes I do yoga, and yes this is mentioned in my profile, but do not ask me how
flexible I am. Ew.
88)
Don’t lead with how much money you make, what
you drive, or what you could offer me in any related regard. I don’t care, it’s just stuff, and you should
be careful of any woman who is drawn to you for these reasons – they are most
likely looking for a nice meal ticket.
99)
Match.com has an online IM system in addition to
the messaging thing. This one guy IM’d
me asking if I wanted to chat, and before I could even check out his profile to
see if I was interested, he accused me of ignoring him. How dare I ignore him instead of telling him I
wasn’t interested? How dare I judge
him? Blah blah blah. Dude, word to the wise – calm the hell
down. If you act all needy and cray cray
in a few IM sentences, good luck with the ladies – you’ll need it.
At any rate, that is my experience
and those are my observations for now. It
has been interesting, and I’m sure will get even more so. I’ll continue to offer updates – some of this
is too entertaining to keep to myself.
