"When a man meets the woman he loves... his heart races, his head spins, and the dozens and dozens of women he's sleeping with no longer matter. Every man needs a woman, and I need you. To lift me when I am sad, to comfort me when I am down, to clean me when I am drunk, to walk beside me when I want to look like I'm not gay, to walk in front of me when I need someone to act as a human windshield, to kiss me when I am horny, to massage me when I am tense &/or horny, to make me horny when I am not horny, and then to watch me fall asleep."
"I need you, darling, to clean between my toes when they are not clean to my satisfaction, to pick the nits out of my hair when I have head lice, to try milk for me when I am not sure of the expiration date, to be there when I need you to be there, and to be out of town the rest of the time. My darling, although it may seem sentimental, I want to take this moment to tell you I love you. Because I don't want to lose half my stuff."
Steve Martin monologue on Saturday Night Live, 05/21/1989
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