i haven't missed the boat

society puts so much importance on getting married, having children, and following a specific timeline to do so.  so many of the girls i went to high school with met their now husband in college, and some have two or three kids already.  there are many others that are married, maybe pregnant with a baby on the way.  sometimes i feel like i'm the only single one left within my scope of friends - my best friend is married and having a baby next month, another has been in a relationship for over three years, others are married and starting to have kids, most of my work friends are married (with our without kids), engaged, what-have-you.

and then there's me.  i'm a single 30 year old woman.  i don't date a lot.  dating is such a pain in the ass when you think about it, but there are parts that i enjoy i suppose.  but truth be told, i do well on my own.  i like living alone.  toby and i do great just the two of us.  i've never been one of those 'relationship hoppers' (so i call them) - you know the type - someone who is always in a relationship.  i'm kinda the opposite, actually.  i just don't see the point in seeing someone if i don't think it will go anywhere long term.  i will go long stretches without dating or being in a relationship.  i like it - it will take someone mightly special for me to break away from this single routine of mine.  of course there are times when i get a wee bit jealous - i am a girl with girl hormones after all. 

but it's just not my time yet.  i've always been a few years behind the 'norm' and done things to the beat of my own drummer (so my mom says).  i went to rehab for an eating disorder when all my friends were going to college and rushing some sorority.  i struggled with school after i moved to austin and was just lost for a few years.  i finally graduated right before i turned 27 when other friends were getting married or pregnant - i like to think that i was on the 8 year plan - that's a nice way of putting it.  i struggled to find a job worth a damn after that and worked in restaurants far longer than i cared to.  i pinched pennies far more than i wanted to.  and i wasn't in any place to take on anything, or anyone, else on. 

but now, i've got my shit together!  i'm on my own, and doing awesome.  i finally have a job i love, have some money saved, and have the financial means to travel and do things i've always wanted to do but couldn't afford to.  i found yoga and meditation and my divine self, and that is priceless.  that in-and-of-itself has made the the person i am now.  i'm completely enthused at life everyday, love life, and can honest-to-god say that i love myself and am happy with how things are.  i think until  you have that self-fulfillment, you don't have much to offer someone else.  so many people are out there looking and say, 'i'll be happy once i meet someone.  i'll be happy once i'm in a relationship.  i'll be happy once i get that diamond around my finger.  i'll be happy once i have that big wedding.  i'll be happy once i have a baby.'  but i think that if you aren't happy and full being yourself, you won't be happy otherwise.  your happiness should not be dependent on finding someone else.  i think women, and men too, put way to much pressure on themselves to find someone before they 'miss the boat'.  and this 'pressure' can make them blind to any warning signs and red flags, and can make them turn someone into someone they aren't.


but you know what?  i haven't missed the boat.  i'm 30, i'm single, and that's just fine.  i'm happy with who i am and where i am.  people move at their own pace, and that's okay.  and i am in a place now that i can invite someone else to join me in life.  everyone moves at their own pace.

i started thinking about this because a woman i used to work with just got engaged, is pregnant with her first child, and she's 43.  i could not be more thrilled for her - she has become a fabulous little heroine of mine.  she made me feel inspired and made me feel even more happy with where i am right now in my life.